"A GRIEF OBSERVED"

Helen is the name of the person C.S. Lewis calls H. I believe that it feels better to him to call her H., unless that is what he call his wife before her death. Some of my friends whom call others by an initial name do it because they can not bear to say the full name, or they do not want others around them to know who they are talking about. But for Lewis the name of H. gives him a secret place inside to vent over the passing on of her life.

Lewis feels like he is always thinking about his deceased wife. It feels like something is terribly wrong. He reminds himself afterall it is the midnight hour of the night. Feelings on top of feeliings . He even feel nausea. I felt nausea when my father died. It was the night after my father' funeral that day. My Aunt woke up with me and she prayed for me. It was the way that I was able to fall asleep that night. Thank God that she knew what to do for me!

He feels that he should not be in sorrow when he knows that before he became married to his wife that she was very ill. Facts about a relationship does not always make you feel better about the person when there is a departure. Lonliness is part of the healing process cause there is a void there. I know believe the void of a death of a love one is harder to deal with than just a parting of a girl friend of boyfriend relationship.

C.S. Lewis relates what has happened in his marriage to a card game of bridge players. Your bid will not be taken serious if the stakes are not high. I would guess that he feels this way because his wife afterall was challenging an illness. It feels like torture to him. "torture will bring out the truth", "only under torture does he discover it himself. It is when our house is knocked down the better. And only suffering can do it.

There is a period when all the negative thoughts about griefing attacks the mind. Lewis thinks that soon disease will come upon him, or some other fate. He begins to think negative thoughts about God,questioning if he is a good or bad God. Lewis even questions the state of H. christianity. Is Helen yet in anquish, even in death? Lewis asks himself if her soul was good enough with God. But as christians we need to believe that when we give our hearts to good the job is taken care of by God.

C.S. Lewis now realizes that no one can bear anyones else suffering. He is now ready to turn it all over the his higher power, The Lord God Almighty. Time is out for sorrow. He is ready for rest. At this stage of griefing we feel as though God has left us. Lewis says when we are in this desperate state God can not do for us what he would. He waits for us like a father to be there for his children. Death is a unknown thing to us. Who can know it. Jesus has conquered death!